Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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