I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
