Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
