Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
