i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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