i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
