Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
