I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
