STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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