I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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