out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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