You're so nebulous sometimes
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
