you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
two words...techno handjob
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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