i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The power of my boobs compel you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
