I'm an idiot
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.