Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating