she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen