The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.