my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly