I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown