What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
