the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
