fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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