I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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