Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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