I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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