this boner is exhausting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
