We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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