hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
