I'm going to jail i love you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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