I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
