the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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