We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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