he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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