You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
