Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
