I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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