i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
