is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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