I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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