there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
