I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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