Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
