i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
