one might say we're banned from that church
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
