I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize