i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
