just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
