i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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