I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
