you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
