bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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