I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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