It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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