Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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