Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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