9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
