You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize