im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
