At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
