so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
