Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
