so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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