just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
