i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
